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JDK's avatar

Thank you for again sharing you reflections and experiences:

Here is a rashamon edit of your reflection for your consideration.

"WD put his hand up to stop me one other time during our relationship, when I broached the idea of choosing a health care proxy and discussing advanced directives. He said, “If the time comes, I trust you and my wife will know what is best.”"

"The surgical service was recommending surgery"

Your counsel was that you felt having a family meeting was best. That's why you recommended the meeting. And Mrs D took your advice and had a family meeting that ended in unanimity.

"Of course, maybe the decision that WD’s family made was the right one and I still can’t see it. Maybe his final weeks of suffering was worth it for the family to live, comfortable that they had given him every chance. He had to endure 6 weeks of pain for the good of his family. If this is the case, I like to think that WD would have borne that cross for his family."

Your suggestion to have a family meeting led to a family decision that gave him time to ultimately be able to directly participate in his own final directives: "He used what little strength he had left to pull me close and whisper to me, “Dr. Cifu, let me die.”"

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Adam Cifu, MD's avatar

So good. Thanks.

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