My last 2 years were spent providing hospice for first my dad and then my mom. It has resulted in a complicated grief that perhaps is similar to survivor’s guilt. I did all I could and yet they died. Death is inevitable. But it was clear neither welcomed death. Both desperately hoped I would find a way to turn the table on the inevitable…
My last 2 years were spent providing hospice for first my dad and then my mom. It has resulted in a complicated grief that perhaps is similar to survivor’s guilt. I did all I could and yet they died. Death is inevitable. But it was clear neither welcomed death. Both desperately hoped I would find a way to turn the table on the inevitable. Nurses would try to comfort me by pointing out my parents lived a long life. It was a slight comfort, well intended, if also wholly inadequate. My parents wanted more life, more time to be with each other, and with us. The best I could do was offer my unflinching love during difficult days and nights. Their faces told me all so clearly that they had hoped for more. Those who take on the care of the dying have to make their peace with this outcome. You will give all that you have and each day you will lose them hour by hour.
My last 2 years were spent providing hospice for first my dad and then my mom. It has resulted in a complicated grief that perhaps is similar to survivor’s guilt. I did all I could and yet they died. Death is inevitable. But it was clear neither welcomed death. Both desperately hoped I would find a way to turn the table on the inevitable. Nurses would try to comfort me by pointing out my parents lived a long life. It was a slight comfort, well intended, if also wholly inadequate. My parents wanted more life, more time to be with each other, and with us. The best I could do was offer my unflinching love during difficult days and nights. Their faces told me all so clearly that they had hoped for more. Those who take on the care of the dying have to make their peace with this outcome. You will give all that you have and each day you will lose them hour by hour.
Thank you.