The New York Times was able to get an op-ed by Dick Cheney’s Cardiologist asking about Trump’s health. At Sensible Medicine, we are honored to get a piece on this same topic from his radiologist.
—vp
I was Dick Cheney’s Radiologist. By that, I mean: I once read his chest XR. Cheney was honest and open about his health. BTW, Cheney definitely didn’t cut the line to get a heart transplant or anything like that. Would the architect of a perfectly legitimate war do something like that?
In the years since Bush-Cheney, I have shifted politically. Just like my kids, I have become insufferably woke. I tweet about Trump constantly— I hate everything he does. I voted for Kamala— who was a much better politician. After all, unlike Trump, she got on the ballot without anyone ever voting for her. Anyway, all this is to say: who better than an impartial liberal doctor like me to weigh in on Trump’s health?
Let’s look at the evidence that Trump is unwell, shall we?
He has bruises on his hands. Did you hear that? Bruises on the hands— in an 80-year old. Why are you just sitting there and not coding him already? His staff says he shakes hundreds of hands a day, some days thousands, and he takes a full dose aspirin, but is that really the explanation? Isn’t it much more likely he has Alzheimer’s disease, which means he isn’t fit to be president, and it is presenting with tell-tale hand bruises?
Donald Trump’s feet swell at the end of the day. Hello? Why aren’t we calling 911? You mean to tell me an 80 year old, obese man has swollen feet after standing for 12 hours. That’s an emergency where I work— at a hospital for remedial residents.
Donald Trump sometimes looks sleepy. This usually happens when someone is saying something really boring, but have you ever known an 80 year old who stays up late to be sleepy the next day? It is probably a sign of something serious.
Donald Trump underwent an MRI of the abdomen. That’s a very atypical exam. Can anyone show me a single extremely rich and powerful person that underwent unusual, unproven imaging? I can’t think of a single one. Rich people never undergo random scans— instead they are always hiding something— just like Donald Trump.
Donald Trump’s own doctor’s note says 22 doctors examined him. Why so many doctors for just a random 80 year old? He must be seriously ill. He is literally a random person— holding no particularly important appointment— if he sees even 3 doctors he must be on death’s door. I call it the too many doctors sign.
Donald Trump underwent a MOCA, and a national election to become president of the US twice, but why hasn’t he undergone more intensive neurocognitive testing with a board certified liberal?
The counterarguments:
You might say: Donald Trump is exactly the same person he always was: a big swinging dick or a big asshole— depending on your perspective. Hundreds of hours of interviews— constant chatting with the press— confirms that Donald Trump is exactly the same mentally. Literally unchanged.
To this I would say, you are not looking hard enough at the hand bruise. Did I mention, it isn’t just his right hand, his left hand also has bruises. I have never seen anyone touch both hands when meeting someone famous— so the—- what I am calling “left hand sign” is pathognomonic for a need to evoke the 25th amendment.
You might also say: It is the voters who decide who is fit for president; it isn’t up to disappointed liberal doctors like me. Well, what happens if we elect a conservative? Hmmm did you think about that. We can’t just keep saying Russia!
My modest proposal:
Let me outline what I think is a modest proposal. Anyone can run for president, but you can only win, if you pass a health exam with 5 judges. We can pick the judges in a totally impartial way— like any 5 Hollywood actresses, doctors who work in gender transition clinics, or say, deans of public health schools— in other words, totally politically unbiased people. If these 5 politically neutral people veto the person, then the democrat wins—- I mean the other candidate wins. Easy peacy.
Jamie Raskin (progressive democrat) and I — two totally impartial people— are working on this together at our Democrat Socialist activism meetings. Right after the land acknowledgement, we get started on drafting the bill.
Ultimately, the president’s health matters greatly when we lose elections. When we win elections, and our person is clearly acting demented, the same equally impartial liberal doctors, can say it was a bad case of cold medicine.
Reading some of the comments, folks don't get your weekend vibe. Great sardonic satire.
I find the satire hilarious. Most especially because I read Medscape and there are multiple articles about Trump's health on there, written by people who have never examined him. Sometimes, it is important to just laugh at how ridiculous we humans can be.