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Your Nextdoor PCP's avatar

This made me laugh and it also lands on a very real clinical problem: when we medicalize movement to the point that “being active” starts to feel like a procedure with prerequisites, we unintentionally raise the barrier to the one intervention with the best risk–benefit ratio we have.

Yes, injuries happen (pickleball, running, gardening… life), and for older adults the biggest hazard is often falls. But the population-level harm of inactivity is far larger and it’s dose-responsive. If our risk messaging scares people back onto the couch, we’ve lost the plot.

The sensible middle ground is exactly what your satire points to: encourage activity with proportionate safety. Start below your max, progress gradually, wear stable footwear, build strength/balance, and if someone has red flags (recurrent falls, exertional chest pain/syncope, severe frailty), then tailor the plan and involve PT/medical evaluation.

In short: movement shouldn’t require “clearance” for most people. It should be the default, with smart guardrails, not fear.

RoseyT's avatar

Not only is the article hilarious, it is fun to read the comments!

JDK's avatar

I hate sarcasm.

It never really effectively communicates a message.

One After 909's avatar

I’m 75, my close friend is 77. Three days a week for the past 7 years we arrive at the club at 5:00 AM to cable-machine lift weights for an hour - all muscle groups. Back Chest Quads Hamstrings, biceps, triceps, dry squats, 6 sets 12 reps each. Then we drive to the local park where one lap is exactly 2 miles and do two laps, usually in 57 - 62 minutes - faster in the winter when it’s 48 degrees. Last year we added trotting at crosswalks. Cancellation only for rain but not drizzle, fog or darkness - It doesn't snow here. We get low- horizon sunrise-light. I have Propet Stability Walkers 1/2 size larger than my usual shoe size and Blue Superfeet run support inserts.

We may be in the best shape of our lives.

Being aware and alert we have each fallen once with no injuries.

The club we lift at has replaced all the racquetball courts with Pilates dens. The racquetball players all used eye protection and still there was the occasional globe injuries.

I have two neighbors younger than I who have suffered clavicular fractures on the all-the-Boomer-rage pickleball court. No. Thank. You.

Sheila Crook-Lockwood's avatar

I think that all seniors should wear helmets and eye protection even while in the home! HA

I will have to pass out helmets, vest (love it!), and eye protection this Friday before we begin my cardio/strength course.

Karrie McCoy's avatar

I work in critical care. You might be surprised by how many seniors have repeated falls with repeated head bleeds. That inflation vest is hilarious!

Howard Bampton's avatar

quote: The walks should take place from 9-10 AM or 3-4 PM to ensure good light, quiet sidewalks, and a low risk of sun damage.

I know this piece is satire, but some of us live in rural areas where there are no sidewalks (I think my nearest one is 15 miles away) nor shoulders (most of the time there is a ditch or barbed wire fence). The winter sun makes walking at 3PM-4PM unsafe as the drivers can't see humans (or deer or pets). Sure, in FL, 3-4 is safe, not so much in WV.

I think that for better satire, not only the human's ability to walk needs to be evaluated, but so too must the local conditions (when rush hour happens, if the local vehicles run on diesel/gas vs. electrons/hay, if the micro climate is compatible with these times [rainy season in S. FL has storms dumping rain around 4PM...]). We could invest billions of dollars and untold person-hours to figure all of this out- think of the job creation!

SpC's avatar

Sent this to a friend whose summer sport is golfing. Took up PB awhile back, avid player but not a spring chicken anymore either. Awaiting a reply....

KB's  FROM THE PETRI DISH's avatar

Maybe they should take up Table Tennis instead. I think a part of this is that it hasn't sunk in that they are not spring chickens anymore and tend to exert themselves too much. Surprised you didn't mention medications, especially starting new ones. Many can affect your balance.

Emma Hubbard's avatar

My sarcasm meter was switched off until more than halfway through the article when I realized you were joke. WHEW!

Khanum's avatar

This was so good!

Jamie's avatar

bahahahaha thank you for this! i was worried you were going to convince me to quit my new favorite hobby!

Jennifer Knips's avatar

Oh this made me laugh!!! Thank you!! Practicing internist here….